| On this
page we will present various items about Dan Rhodes that we
believe to be facts. We will also be correcting some of the
many erroneous things we have heard about him and his work.
We are confident that once corrected, these corrections will
stand as facts.
This page contains more information than is healthy, and we
recommend that you do not continue reading. Please either
move to a different part of the site or go somewhere else
entirely. Here,
for example. Or here.
****
FACT: Dan Rhodes
is married. This is something we are slowly coming
to terms with.
CORRECTION: Rhodes is Welsh.
Although he has been described in the press as a "Welsh
author" Rhodes is sadly no such thing. He was born in
England and now lives in Scotland, but he did go to the Poly
of Wales (later the University of Glamorgan) and is known
to visit Wales at every available opportunity.
FACT: Rhodes finished his
World Tour of 2005 by being publicly ill by a Polish roadside.
Sadly this is true. Although this site is 100% unofficial,
we do regard ourselves as custodians of Rhodes’ reputation,
and we shall therefore draw a veil over this regrettable incident.
CORRECTION: Rhodes is active
in the Myspace community. This is untrue. Rhodes gives
Myspace a wide berth, reportedly for the following reasons:
1) He is some considerable way into his thirties. 2) Myspace
(and therefore the soul of every one of its members –
just read the small print) is owned by his vanquished foe
Rupert Murdoch. Although humiliated in business by a single-handed
Rhodes armed only with several gallons of premium lager and
a burning fury, Murdoch continues to wreak havoc around the
world. He is an enemy of freedom of expression and peace on
earth. He owns Fox News and The Sun, for crying out loud.
3) Rhodes has no interest in either making new friends or
finding out what the few friends he already has are really
like.
FACT: Rhodes looks a bit like
this:
CORRECTION: Rhodes has retired.
This isn’t the case, although he really only has himself
to blame for this rumour, because it was him who started it.
The elaborate version of the rumour is that he announced his
retirement after being selected for a list of the supposedly
most competent pre-middle-aged writers by the literary magazine
Granta. In fact the opposite is true. Rhodes had announced
his retirement in 2001, on the jacket of his second book.
When the Granta business happened, in 2003, he wrote a rudimentary
draft of a piece for them in which he explained, exclusively,
that he had decided to carry on writing after all. However,
nobody at Granta could have read this to the end before rejecting
it for not being Granta-y enough (maybe it contained traces
of humour), because when the anthology appeared it contained
a completely unapproved and erroneous biography line stating
that he wasn’t going to write again. Yawn. Still, all
part of the rollercoaster. And besides, announcing impending
retirement and then changing your mind is perfectly standard
practice in showbiz, and is No Big Deal.
FACT: A fourteen-year-old
Dan Rhodes saw The Smiths’ final concert on 12th
December 1986. It remains the finest piece of live entertainment
he has ever witnessed – and bearing in mind he has seen
Jonny Woo’s impeccable A Night Of 1000 Jay Astons,
this is saying something.
CORRECTION: Rhodes has never
been to Hawkshead. This persistent internet-fuelled
rumour is just not true. We hope that this photograph of a
grizzled and exasperated-looking Rhodes in front of The Kings
Arms in the heart of the scenic Lakeland village will finally
lay this business to rest. Somehow we doubt it though. Although
our forensics department all the way down on the 8th floor
have verified this photograph’s authenticity, we have
to acknowledge that Rhodes does look a little superimposed.
NB There are those who say
Magnus Mills used The Kings Arms as a model for the Packhorse
in his masterpiece All Quiet On The Orient Express.
The perilous dartboard seems to have been replaced by a cigarette
machine though. Maybe it will reappear after the smoking ban.
We hope so…
More facts and corrections than
you could ever require are on their way. Watch this space.
|
